Humanity is bleeding, and we must stop that bleeding right now. We cannot continue to polish the bars of our prison and pretend it is the path to freedom.
Everybody take a big breath before diving in. This is a heavy essay. I suppose you’ve come to expect that from me, and today I certainly deliver.
There’s a book recommendation at the end I want you to know about, so scroll down if you wanna cut to the chase. I’m so over the moon about it I’m offering ten free copies as a gift.
I am about to invite all of us, but especially white men into their power. It may seem counter-intuitive to you , but that begins by learning to listen more deeply to marginalized voices. Most of y’all have a lot to catch up on because your handcuffs happen to be golden. You’ve been conditioned to think that means you’re free.
White ladies, please come along also. I can speak from experience that I still have a lot to catch up on, and there’s no need to be ashamed if you do too. It’s time to prioritize the work of getting free. You’re an essential bridge as you have the greatest proximity to the golden handcuffs. Some of you share a bank account with a powerful white man, and these days we have debit cards in our own names. We’ve made progress, eh? Let’s use it to do good.
To all the rest in the audience – thank you for reading my words. I am honored you’re here. As a white, cis, straight-ish woman, I assume I have more to learn from you on this topic than the other way around. My intent is to use my priviledge to liberate others and dismantle supremacist systems. If/when I fall short of that, my inbox is open to hear about it.
If you wish to live in a just, safe, and free world, you must begin by holding yourself to your own standards of integrity and justice first. That IS your power. Everything else is counterfeit power which inevitably harms others.
I am not shaming anyone for being white or male. I'm not even shaming white men for making mistakes. Shame isn't the answer. Shame only digs us deeper into the hole we're trying to get out of.
The core of my pissed-off-ness is that white men are respected (meaning they get the highest status jobs, financial opportunities, keynote speeches, podcast interviews, etc) and are allowed to define what behaviors are considered respectable (aka white men were the literal judges and lawmakers who decided who was slave and who was free, whether it's legal for women to wear men's clothing, who you can have sex with, who goes to prison for 25 years-to-life for a bag of weed, etc).
However, it is the rare white man who is a true gentleman with a sophisticated understanding of what respect really is. Far too often and much to the detriment of all life on Earth, they have no sensitivity to the impact of their actions.
White men are allowed to have no respect for others but still be respected.
Why do I talk about white men in particular? Because they are the only group of people who are allowed to do this. They are the only ones who can go through life without ever taking account of their actions.
Most of the things that white men prefer to get away with have been enshrined in law as perfectly legal, but that is not the same as justice. Their economic crimes have to be of such an enormous scale that they bankrupt states or nations to ever face prosecution, but still they’re likely to get off scott free.
Those of us who try to get them to hold themselves to account are met with anger, shame, blame, fear tactics, and sometimes violence. The white men at the top of the systems have the power to manipulate those systems to destroy others' lives. Too many of them do with no fear of reprisal.
The ways in which white men’s lives are different from everyone else’s are usually invisible to them.
White men are allowed to think the conversation about justice, power, and truth “isn’t really relevant” to them as one said in my DMs earlier today. They are mistakenly thinking that conversations by and about marginalized people have nothing to do with them.
Too many think they can opt out. This could not be further from the truth. Did they not read Spiderman as little kids? “With great power comes great responsibility.” The responsibility is yours whether you accept it or not.
When white men's companies fail, those men are scooped up like precious gold in acquihires and given fancy titles. When their projects run into challenges, they’re more likely to be given second chances to learn. Those of us holding marginalized identities, however, do not often "fall upwards." We are instead seen as cautionary tales. Worse, our failures are used as justification not to invest in or promote anyone like us again.
White men are encouraged by all the moneyed forces of capitalism to polish their prison instead of escaping it.
Polishing the bars will never, ever get you free. Once enough white men, especially those at the top of systems, chose the hard work of justice and liberation in sufficient mass we will live in a very different world.
With justice there is true safety. With true safety there is freedom for all. This is why I care about this work.
This week is Liberation Week and everyone is invited.
To start, find one hour per day that you can listen to an audiobook. It could be an hour where you're preparing a meal, cleaning, exercising, or whatever. It can replace your journaling or mindset practice for this week.
Step 1: Decide you will make this a daily practice.
If you can't do an hour, do whatever amount of time you can. The most important thing is to commit to stay with this so that you don't slide out when things get uncomfortable.
Step 2: Grab Chichi Agorom's book about getting free – The Enneagram for Black Liberation. It will take you about seven days to get through the book if you’re listening for an hour a day.
Note: this is a book for everyone. The title doesn't center the white male experience; it centers the author's identity as a black woman instead. Do not let this throw you off. My bestie David is very much a white man and is enjoying it immensely. I have every reason to believe you can too.
If you are someone holding a marginalized identity and would like to receive a gift copy of the book, please reply to this with the email address associated with your Amazon or indie bookstore account so I can send it to you.
I have budget to give away at least ten copies, so don't be shy to claim it. If/when we run out of budget I’ll ask some white men to fund more. Please feel free to share this offer with friends.
Replying here. You have my address 😁
BTW I am in Thailand right now; trip planned weeks in advance, yet my father passed as we were leaving for the airport to visit him here. It's always an adventure and a learning opportunity.... Grateful for every synchronicity. He said things in our last conversation just hours before his death that puzzled me at the time but now I see he was, likely not consciously but subconsciously, aware he wouldn't see us again. He is being treated in the Thai manner of grieving, which honestly feel so much better than our own.