I did something traditional therapy basically never does: change a narcissist into an honest-to-goddess gentleman.
(This is not a diss on therapy, only an observation that it's not attractive to men struggling with narcissism. It can't help them if they never go to therapy in the first place.)
How?
In 2022 I changed the way I worked entirely. Instead of working for an indefinite number of months and charging on an hourly basis, I switched to a monthly retainer and a defined commitment. We soared beyond my wildest dreams. I’m never going back.
I will take this moment as my PSA to remind everyone that every narcissist you meet was abused. No, this is not meant to excuse anyone’s bad behavior.
Just to put it into context: some people who were abused become compliant, some become withdrawn, and some become aggressive. Traditional therapy has been of more help to the compliant and withdrawn types.
We need treatment modalities that can help the aggressive types who are ready to do the very hard work of remembering who they are and what their mission in life is. As far as I can tell, I’m one of the first in the healing professions to tackle narcissism directly.
Alcoholics Anonymous has been picking up the slack since 1935. If you know of others, please drop it in the comments.
I am so proud!
Next week Tom completes his ten-month contract with me. I am SO PROUD of how he’s shown up with courage, honesty, and a whole lot of sparkling wit. We love you, Tom.
He’s taught me so much about the miseduction boys endure. I had not realized the extent to which military basic training can strip young men of the ability to deeply listen to anyone who’s not above them in the perceived hierarchy. That means they possess even fewer of the skills to deeply listen and empathize than when they arrived.
The military elite trained Tom to be the bodyguard to the Secretary of Defense of Germany, but that education didn’t work when it came to creating a peaceful life. The tools and tricks of war actively sabotage you when it’s time to build a home.
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