Drum journey: midnight 11 July
It’s the 11th, and I can’t sleep. I did a drum journey to call my soul back to me. I beseeched her in the words of the traditional Zapotec prayer of this land of Oaxaca.
“Soul of Crystal Dawn Beasley,
why are you so far from home?
Don’t be in the rain,
in the sun,
in the cold wind alone.
Come home to your body.
Come home.”
I said these words over and over, begging my soul to come. I shook as waves of frustration and grief washed over me. Sadness filled my throat.
Sometimes, in some times like these, it can seem like there is no hope. It can seem that nothing is changing, that nothing can change in time for help to come. It can seem that the land is sliding out from under your knowing faster than you can help it. It can seem that the landslide is taking you, though in truth the mattress and bedcovers are firm under your nightdress or bare pale skin.
I wept bitterly for you, A.
I weep once again.
It wasn’t until today that I realized I had this drum journey on the anniversary of my wedding in which I vowed vows I scarcely comprehended. I was 18 years old when I spoke those words.
The 11th of July, 7/11, was meant to be good luck. Maybe it was.
As I contemplate overwhelm, I am reminded yet once again that my journey this year has been filled with some moments like these where I was full up to overrunning my cup. My grief, sadness, anger… my everything overflowed past what I had thought I was capable of feeling. It swirled together into a dark cauldron of ICK, and though some part of me was sure this was unbearable – I did indeed bear it.
Will I tell you that on the other side there is no more ICK? No, I’ll tell you there’s way more of the ick, it just doesn’t stick more than about five minutes. It happens more frequently and at a higher volume of intensity. Then you do the thing anyways – that thing which is yours to do.
How? Stay tuned. We’re gonna talk a lot more about these some-moments-like-these over the next couple of months at minimum. They are pushing us to the edge. We’re being invited to upskill in this great workshop we call life.
New channel, who dis?
Hey everybody, I made a new YouTube channel! My first video covers 9 Ways You’re Stuck in Overwhelm. I had so much fun I’m hoping to make these more regularly to share with you the skills that have allowed me to not just survive but truly be activated and empowered by the change that’s been happening on the planet these last two and a half years.
The next video is likely to be a tour of the Dragonfly program so y’all know what I’ve been hinting at, then we’ll cover Imposter Syndrome. Please hit reply or comment and let me know what other burning questions you have.
We’re ready. We got this. We got each other.
Much love from Oaxaca,
Cris and Team Dragon