Today I got in the all-too-familiar hole of anger and frustration. A thousand times I’ve had to remind myself that when I get to this place, the question to ask isn't "how do I do this?" it's "who can I get on my calendar this week?" I need others' inspiration, participation, or even just cheerleading.
So many times I've gotten snagged in forcing and doing all alone. It doesn't work. Even when it does work I’m destroyed and have to recuperate before diving in again. It's not worth it.
I’ve had to learn to ask for people's help. It did not come easy! I finally figured out about half of folks don't respond at all because they have shit going on in their lives. Don't take it personally. If you take it personally you’re dead in the water. Plan to need to ask double or triple the number of people you’ll ultimately need.
If someone repeatedly doesn't respond then I stop asking, but usually, it's just situational. Most people show up sometimes. Almost no one shows up all the time. This is not just ok, it’s even good. It’s a sign of healthy boundaries instead of co-dependence.
If they really don't ever respond then well... that's good to notice too and check to see if this relationship needs some pruning. I don’t desire to be transactional with my relationships, but there is a way we can keep chasing people that are never gonna show up for us. (That’s a whole ‘nother post, though.)
Back to the panic moment – by the point that you’re demanding “how am I going to do this?!” you either need to delete the task or delegate it. Assuming it is important enough not to delete, you better delegate.
Now, none of the people on my list are my employees. I can’t make any of them do anything. That’s not the point.
“If you want to build a ship, don't drum up people to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea." –Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Find your people who crave the same salt air and are bound up with your liberation. Ask for help. See who reaches back their hand to you. This is the mending and weaving of our social net that’s required for the time of the present and the times to come.
Doing this, I got to tune into so many peoples’ lives and catch up. It’s so fun! I had a text catch-up with my friend going through TSA on his way to France and got an integration report from another buddy that just did a deep dive entheogen journey.
Following my own advice, I got some unpaid help (calls with a couple of friends, and a 1Q meeting of my core supporters) as well as some paid help booked (a family constellation and a somatic 1:1 healing session). I'm *already* feeling so much better, and I haven't even had the meetings yet.
The book Who Not How by Dan Sullivan brilliantly makes the case. Most of what you need to know is already in the title of that book, but if you want to dive deeper I do recommend it.
Today looks like a good day to draw a card.