Ok, I got a post today that might hit an ouchie spot in you... If you find yourself often taking up the banner to be the voice of the underdog, check to see what’s underneath that. The loving punch in my gut said, “until you’ve found your own voice, don’t speak for others.”
Speak for yourself – that’s well hard enough.
Can you ask for what little ole’ you need or do you have to advocate on behalf of the underdogs to justify the asking? Can you feel the strength of your own convictions when everyone in the room gives an eye roll and then avoids you? Do you even know – really know – what it is that you need?
If you already do this, Yahtzee! I probably don’t have anything new in this post for you. Hit reply to this email and send me a note about your journey about how you got here.
Until you’ve done this homework though, leave the voiceless well enough alone. They’ll be fine without your valiant but misguided efforts. Eat a gluten-free muffin and be still long enough to do your inner work first.
This is what you’ve been avoiding after all, am I right?
“No one is lacking a voice” in any case, as the folks at No White Saviors reminded me. “Listen and pass the mic.”
Many colonizing missionaries have laid snug in their beds, certain of the goodness of their deeds. They were the “professional” voices of the so-called voiceless. There’s immense status in this identity. Voices of the voiceless get donations and invitations to speak at plated dinners with ivory polyester tablecloths and these bizarre things we call plenaries. You *know* you are a muckity muck when there’s a place card with your name on it at the plenary. I believe it’s from Latin, meaning “important, mostly white people who get paid to act certain about a lot of things” [1].
Mom = martyr
You don’t have to go to the plenary extreme to see examples of this everywhere. Many of us have inherited the wound of a martyr mom who thought her job was to be the voice of the voiceless children at the cost of her own. That’s the key distinction – are you caught in the identity of speaking on behalf of others because you don’t know how to speak up for yourself?
As much as kids holler I’m not sure how we ever manage to think kids don’t have voices.
We’re gonna have to unpack this mom thing more fully a whole ‘nother time, I just want you to see how pervasive and deep this vibe goes. These identities (voice of the voiceless and martyr mom) are too heavy. All identities are too heavy.
As my granny used to say when we were with a group of friends she didn’t worry about impressing “it’s just us chickens.”
That’s enough. Let your curls go limp, be yourself, and speak only for yourself for a while. The world and your babies really can do without you trying to save it for a minute or two.
plenary (adj.) plenar (mid-13c.), from Old French plenier and from Latin plenus "filled, greatly crowded; stout, pregnant; abundant, abounding; dank." Ok, I made that last one up.
From Austin, Tay-has sending love to wherever you are,
Cris and Team Dragon
P.S. This wound is the core of the Enneagram 2 type, the Helper, which navigates the polarities of care versus co-dependence, resentment versus boundaries, etc. We’re looking at what kind of support y’all are looking for in using the deck and learning more about its structure, the Enneagram. Keep your eyes peeled for more on this soon as we develop our next evolution of offerings for 2022! <3
More from the dragon, you say? Pick a card, any card at becomingdragon.com.