When she was good,
She was very good indeed,
But when she was bad she was horrid.
–Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
If you don’t already know about the Enneagram let me wax poetic for a sec… I love it because it takes the blindfolds off that we’ve been wearing our whole lives. We get to go “oh shit, *that’s* what I’ve been doing to myself?!?” If you’re new to the Enneagram, this will be a great primer.
Below I’ll give descriptions of how each type acts when they are unhealthy with examples of cultural icons who exhibit these qualities. Sneak peek… each Enneagram type is a different flavor of horrid. The stereotypes are easiest to see when they’re at their worst.
We’re all super unpleasant when we’re unhealthy.
The Savior — The perfectionistic hypocrite is angry you won’t help them save the world by following the impractical, rigid rules they spent their whole life carefully crafting. Ones fume “Why are you so disappointing and wrong?”
Unhealthy 1s: SNL’s “The Church Lady”, Osama bin Laden
Healthy 1s: Confucius, Plato, Michelle Obama, Nelson Mandela, GandhiThe People Pleaser — They’re so sickly sweet that you don’t want their unsolicited advice. They get angry when you say no to their help. Twos plead “Why won’t you just let me fix/love you?” To them, loving someone is fixing them.
Unhealthy 2s: Elizabeth Taylor, Jim Jones, “Cinderella”
Healthy 2s: Dolly Parton, Bobby McFerrin, Guru Ammaji (The Hugging Saint), Byron KatieThe Over-Overachiever — They’re working so damn hard to get you to like them that you can’t get close to them. Threes beg “Why can’t you just see how shiny and impressive I am?”
Unhealthy 3s: Elvis Presley, O.J. Simpson, Whitney Houston, “Don Draper”
Healthy 3s: Oprah Winfrey, Michael Jordan, Lady Gaga, StingThe Big Mood— They’re totally absorbed in the drama of their own specialness and just wishing to belong somewhere. Fours are too ashamed to ask “Will you be my therapist for free for ten hours a day?” and go back to drowning alone.
Unhealthy 4s: “Eeyore,” Cher, Amy Winehouse, Hank Williams
Healthy 4s: Rumi, Frida Khalo, Edgar Allen Poe, Anne Frank, PrinceThe Know-It-All — When they finally emerge from their cave they shove everything they’ve been working on down your throat. Fives dismiss “Of course, you’re so stupid that you can’t understand my brilliance.”
Unhealthy 5s: Kurt Cobain, Nietzsche
Healthy 5s: Albert Einstein, Eckhart Tolle, Agatha Christie, Isaac NewtonThe Worry-Wart — They freak out about every possible way life might go wrong. Sixes mutter “Why can’t you live your life in a hermetically sealed bubble so I can stop worrying about you?”
Unhealthy 6s: Mike Tyson, “Charlie Brown,” Richard Nixon, Marilyn Monroe
Healthy 6s: Bruce Springsteen, Lord of the Rings’ “Frodo”, Katie CouricThe Flake — They chase fantasies of happiness till they’re miserable. They seem super fun until you try to rely on them to commit to anything. Sevens roll their eyes “Why don’t you have infinite patience with my shenanigans?“
Unhealthy 7s: Robin Williams, Elton John
Healthy 7s: Jim Carrey, Ram Dass, Russell BrandThe Bull In A China Shop — They’ve decided that you need a kick in the ass, and they’re just the boot the universe has hired to give it to you. Eights growl “Why aren’t you stronger?”
Unhealthy 8s: Howard Stern, Pablo Picasso
Healthy 8s: Beyonce, Toni Morrison, Barbara Walters, Martin Luther King, Jr.The Phantom — When you need them most they disappear into the wallpaper. They sigh and mutter under their breath “Things are always in such a mess. What do they need from me now?” For Nines to be ok, you have to be ok first.
Unhealthy 9s: Ma Anand Sheela (Osho’s mastermind)
Healthy 9s: “Winne the Pooh,” 14th Dalai Lama, Morgan Freeman, Carl Jung, “Mister Rogers”
Which is the worst?
It’s all a matter of personal taste. We often don’t like people who are an unhealthy version of the same type as us as it offers too strong of a mirror of what we don’t like about ourselves. Ouch… I know. When we find that someone is exhibiting a characteristic we find unacceptable or intolerable, it’s a clue that characteristic or its mirror asks for some loving attention within us.
The trickiest thing about the Enneagram is it’s hard to tell which type you are.
This system pulls back the ego blindfold to show us how we’re hiding from our truest, essential selves. Because of this, your ego defenses are actively trying to get you NOT to know this information. If you’ve tried Enneagram in the past and found you didn’t quite “get it,” it’s probably because you mistyped yourself.
I mistyped myself at first too. I wanted to think I was a fun, freewheeling Seven like my dad. I’m a (recovering) workaholic Three. Oops.
When you finally do get your type right you’ll see yourself in the pages of its description and say “Oh no, I can’t keep doing this.” Then you’ll uncover the patterns of self-sabotage that have kept you stuck and massively change your life.
If you’re using the Becoming Dragon deck, you don’t have to know which type you are. Just see what resonates and work through the material in the cards one by one.
You’ll notice that the cards have dots underneath one of the words. Count the dots to find out which number that card is associated with. They are also color-coded. The blue cards are type Five. The red ones are type Three, etc. If you get several that are especially resonant from the same color/number then that may warrant further investigation into that type. I highly recommend Tom LaHue’s YouTube channel and Sandra Maitri’s book, The Spiritual Dimension of the Enneagram.
Please don’t hesitate to hit reply to this message and ask a question or say hello!
Love from Oaxaca,
Cris and Team Dragon