[coordinates: in the matcha green velvet corner banquette at Leonora, my neighborhood purveyor of fine lattes]
Some super definitely not-optional-to-not-know-about science about penises to follow, but first…
Being in deep relationship to a powerful woman is the most pleasurable thing you can imagine.
Except… you cannot imagine what it is like. Most of you have never been intimate with a priestess (and no, that doesn’t even require sex to experience.) After hearing this enough times from my clients, I can confidently assure you that we are the women you’ve been waiting for.
Benefactors, I want to be in relationship to you. I want to send you a kind of gratitude that you can feel in your spine. This kind of gratitude will reformat you.
To give you the tiniest taste of how exquisite my magic is, just a few hours after the email dropped on Monday announcing that the mystery school was forming, there was a 5.4 magnitude earthquake in Oaxaca. To make it even more gorgeous, the epicenter was about 25 miles away from the exact spot where I first merged consciousness with a client.
You’re about to witness something completely impossible happen. You have no idea what’s possible using feminine ways of making magic. Being a benefactor will give you a front-row seat.
For benefactors only, every week I will send you the sexiest muthaf’ing business weekly update you ever got. It will be a voice note. Think of it as a weekly secret dossier of how the sausage gets hard. (Sorry, you’ll soon find out what a metaphor mixer I am if you don’t already know.) Ahem, I mean you’ll witness the magic get done to start the mystery school for men.
Whether or not you have fine enough discernment to see and come to know how it’s done is another matter.
I hereby christen you my business harem.
Every week you’ll also get a wish list of what I need to do the next level of magic. Some requests will be for technical expertise, coding, help with proofreading, etc or perhaps artistic contributions. Some will be for the budget to fund specific needs such as the ridiculously pleasurable costumes for Cris’s BDSM persona which we will require to make the short films which bring the priestesses to visibility. Some requests might be the funds to hire PR expertise or other consultants.
To give you the tiniest taste of my taste level in experts, we already met with Princess Diana’s astrologer to advise us on the short film we we’ll be releasing this year. The inventor of the GoogleX team the rapid prototyping methodology has been helping me rapid prototype my business ideas for the last six years. The lawyer that ran operations for a massive crypto-funded foundation offered to review my IP contracts. My former assistant’s resume is so fleek I can’t even tell you who she assisted before me, but there’s a 100% chance you know her name.
I could go on and on. My bench runs deep and wide.
As we say in the South, we bout’ to raise enough cain to get 100 men signed on at the $250 or above level. I don’t care how long it takes or how many doors I have to knock on to get there.
Once we get to 100 though, the doors of this round will close and we will begin the first class of the mystery school in earnest.
We can do this. We are doing this. I’ll post the count of men who have said yes to this grand adventure in every missive until we get there. Go!
The count: 0
We currently have zero men enrolled. Who’s going first?
And now we have some bitter medicine you’ll thank me for later.
I asked my private client what to tell men to get your attention. He said “tell them men are stupid, and wasting your potential is not a wise choice.” If you knew the level of courage this former German secret service agent has had to access in the last four months of his work with me, it would shave your eyeballs. I hope you’ll heed his warning not to ignore me seriously.
Men: y’all are in worse shape than you want to deal with. All of it is fixable, but you will have to take the wise steps required to fix it. Time alone is not enough to heal what’s currently broken. Don’t freak though, there are effective things you can do even for the stuff you fear is too broken to bother.
1. Sperm counts have dropped precipitously all over the world
From 1970 to now, average sperm counts in all countries in the world that we have data for have fallen significantly. Unless you’ve taken specific steps to protect your body, you have half of the sperm that you should have. The rate of decrease was just over one percent per year for four decades, but now the rate of decrease is 2.6% per year. If you understand math at all you understand how shocking that is.
If you are in the process of conceiving a child right now, you absolutely must attend to this issue both for yourself and the mama of your baby. The common household chemicals and body care products implicated in this decrease cause permanent sexual changes in boy babies which cannot be undone.
The video below is by the lead scientist on the meta-analysis. She has solutions for what you can do as an adult man to reverse the damage and for mamas to prevent harm to babies in utero.
I will continue to alert you to these kinds of threats to sex and vitality in the upcoming Quiver Me Open list. Team Dragon’s got you.
Numbers 2, 2b, and 3 to follow tomorrow.
Love from Oaxaca,
Cris and Team Dragon