Community Thrives Without the Lies of Spiritual Narcissists
Part 2: deprogramming from fundamentalist Christianity
content warning: discussion of sexual and violent abuse of power
A note before we begin, someone has reported my Substack for phishing. I’ve appealed it. Please take a breath and take the bigness of this in. Here’s your constant reminder that this happens far more often to women, LGBTQ+, and BIPOC. This is not accidental. Marginalized people know things that misbehaving cis white men seek to keep hidden.
In case you missed it, here’s Part 1: Notes From 28 Years Studying Cults and Culture.
I only know of one way to be in integrity with power, and that is to inhabit it. Giving your power away doesn’t heal the wound but only makes it worse.
Cults have real power (which they misuse) but there was a glimpse of something in the church where I was raised that I don’t find in nihilistic, capitalism-based, reductionistic Western culture. It was my best option. It was not a good option, but it was my best option.
Much later I found out that indeed, there is a gentle, peaceful power in communities run by wise elders. BTW, most Western people have never experienced community that wasn’t neutered by capitalism or run by narcissists.
The most potent community I’ve ever had the honor of being a part of was at a Cree Sundance ceremony in Alberta. What happened there is quite sacred to me, so I won’t speak about it publicly other than to say: deeply rooted community exists and it’s the most real thing I’ve ever felt. When your bones finally make contact with a community that’s in integrity with its power, you will hear their cry for the nourishment you’ve been lacking for so long that you had not even known what you were missing.
We must have community. I’ll go so far as to say one of the biggest reasons we are dying as a species due to the lack of it. Certainly, without cohesive communities, we will not be able to turn back this tide.
We must have the power that the true nourishment of community provides, but the power cannot be misused. When it is misused horrible things happen to the most vulnerable members, full stop. It’s not a matter of if, only of when and how bad.
I call the church grew up in a cult partly because they checked the very big, very important box of harboring sexual abusers in their leadership. As many well-intentioned, sweet people are there are in the Body of Christ, I cannot and will not look past the actions of their leaders. This is not some small oversight on their part.
The minister of the Jacksonville assembly that was “in fellowship” with the church I attended was arrested for capital sexual battery. There had been charges filed with the police in 1985 and again multiple times in the 90s but as is usually the case, they were dropped. “Brother” Dyall acted with impunity for three decades and dozens if not hundreds of traumatized children in his wake.
And yet.
And yet that did not stop the ministers of the Body of Christ from having their minister’s meeting at his church in 2014. The leadership of 100% old white men believed what they wanted to believe rather than listen to the voices of women and children who told them he was not who he appeared to be.
You know this most likely by now, but it must be said definitively:
Cults are run by spiritual narcissists – without exception.
Others may disagree, but this is my primary litmus test to determine if a community is a cult.
Like a pH scale, “is the leader a narcissist?” is a continuum, not a yes or no answer. The worse the leader at the top, the more damage the cult can and most likely will do unless stopped by the surrounding community.
An aside: I surely will piss some off with this, but we gon’ have to name Osho among the list of enfant terribles. That man was not right. When the community you’re a leader of is dripping with diamond Rolexes and parades of Rolls and your followers are into bioterrorism, sterilizing a harem of comfort women so he could have unprotected sex, attempted murder… well then, things have gone waaaaaaay the hayyyulllll off track.
Strings of abuse charges such as this follow cults like flies on poop. This is a great way to discern how dangerous a group may be. Powerful leaders who refuse to take the measure of their harms and change are either already cult leaders or well on their way to being dangerous, full stop.
How to tell if someone is a spiritual narcissist will also have to wait for another day. If you have questions about this, please put them in the comments.
These messages are transmissions of the deeply painful lessons I’ve lived.
I have enormous fear in beginning to speak the truth of what I know. It upsets dark powers who do not like to be disturbed. I will continue. This is too important to stop now.
I must be a part of a community that reckons with its power by stepping into it with integrity. This is the only way I know of to build a peaceful world where babies can grow up and elders can transmit their wisdom to future generations.
I will not stand idly by as the communities on this planet are either weak-as-water groups who will do very little or powerful but abusive cults, corporations, and every infinitely miscellaneous other Disney-fied, sugar-water mirage of real connection.
I am absolutely a 100% no to that. I don’t care how painful it is to risk being vulnerable in a group of friends or whatever else it takes to build a real community. It’s going to be uncomfortable and awkward to wade through the grief of the separation that we’ve endured, but I am here for it.
I know what’s on the other side, and I am here for it.
If you wish to learn the skillset to find and be in powerful, joyful, intimate relationships with others and yourself, please join us in our practice of such.
We practice in two forms: the first is developing the skills for a joyful creative partnership by cogenerating art in Midjourney together. This is the AI Art Salon led by Cris Beasley.
The second is what we call Relational Alchemy led by David Swedlow. It’s a way of sitting in the simple intimacy of stillness, together… and then talking as and when moved by your heart. Next one is the 20th of July. RSVP here for that.
Both are free and all are welcome.
The AI Art Salon is every Friday. If you are brand new to creating with Midjourney, show up five minutes early and we’ll get you oriented with the basics.
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