The Real-est Damn "What Do Women Want?" List You'll Ever Read
Top ten ways to land an authentically powerful, sexy woman
Before we begin: In 24 hours I will be doing a live streamed concert/energetic attument to align you to becoming who you are. Press the big purple button to get more info and add to calendar with two clicks.
I wish to highlight the gender conditioning that is instilled in boys and girls from birth so that we can unpack it. The focus of this article is on how the conditioning Western boys receive plays out in adult heterosexual couples.
The big asterisk: As a cis white strait-ish woman, I do not represent the perspective of LGBTQ+ and BIPOC people. I do not speak on behalf of all women.
This conditioning causes every kind of war and violation you can name so… I’m going to wade in. I don’t know how to unpack it without naming it. I am not going to get this perfectly right or perhaps even mostly right.
I am committed to fucking up and fixing it. That’s the best offer I know how to make.
Second asterisk: Masculine and feminine energies distinct from gender are another thing entirely. I mention it only to say – don’t confuse the two. All people have masculine and feminine energies. We will unpack this separate issue in future posts.
Girls are conditioned to seek safety, which is ok. That this safety must come from men is not ok since the biggest threat to women is men. Women find themselves in quite the spicy pickle, you might say.
The biggest thing women need is to be safe from men. Specifically… the stupidity of the cultural and familial conditioning that boys were given. Most of those boys grow up not to be men, but perpetual man-children playing out egoic games at great cost to the planet and all who are on it.
This is written specifically to single and dating men, but I bet even most grey-haired husbands might learn a thing or seven.
Note to men:
Before we dive in, we first have to innoculate you against shame. If you feel attacked by what you’re about to read, pause and breathe. Remind yourself that no one is attacking you. I probably don’t even know you, so there’s no way this is pointed at you.
You are not bad. Your actions may have been bad, but YOU are not bad.
You were conditioned by a violent culture designed to perpetuate systems of control whose Doritos version of counterfeit power is backed by war. If you get angry at yourself or at me while reading this, see if you can turn that anger where it belongs – at the control systems we’ve mistaken for civilization.
This devil’s bargain has never delivered what it promises, and it’s time to call bluff.
See if you can let the shame and anger dissolve into a holy guilt that is capable of washing you clean. This is the difficult beginning of your journey to redeeming yourself and becoming a truly grown man.
What Powerful, Sexy Women Want
1. Men who are confident and funny
Banish the lies that teach a counterfeit confidence that arises from narcissism and whose humor comes at the expense of others.
That women want confident, funny men is the number one trope on these sorts of lists, so we start there but from an entirely different perspective.
Grown men have true humility. They possess a style of humor that’s more sophisticated than taking the piss at someone. This as well as confidence grows from the soil of humility.
True humility arises out of a daily practice of surrendering to the forces which are out of your control. Humility asks for mercy and grace, knowing that unintentional hurts happen all the time. Humility asks to feel the pain it causes.
A humble person sees themselves as the size and shape they are. They do not exaggerate to earn love, for love is unconditional and cannot be earned.
Humble people also do not shrink themselves, as that kind of false humility is its own twisted flavor of arrogance.
Humble people remember how easy it is to forget they are divine, and so is everyone and everything else.
2. Men who feel their emotions instead of projecting them all over women
Banish the lies that teach men to say “You’re making me feel angry/jealous/anxious/de-motivated/whatever.”
Grown men understand that no one can make you feel anything. Men take responsibility for their reactions and triggers. Men name their emotions and own them. “I am feeling angry/jealous/anxious/de-motivated/whatever.”
3. Men who have a definition of freedom that doesn’t require them to abandon the people that trust them
Banish the lies that teach men to run another country mile the moment you actually need them for real, for real.
When the rubber hits the road, man children hit the road. They often add salt to the wound by blaming you for being “needy.”
Are there women who are needy, meaning they are super sensitive to rejection and grasp at you? For sure. These damsels in distress aren’t in the category of full-grown women you’re trying to date, are they? Ok, then let’s upgrade your concept of how delicious it can be to be in epic devotion to a powerful woman who isn’t taking her power from you.
Boys are conditioned to fear powerful women. Man children can’t tell the difference between an authentically powerful woman and someone who is manipulating them by their ball strings.
Grown men understand that safety without freedom isn’t safe and freedom without safety isn’t free. They consistently support women so that they feel safe and secure. Grown men are worthy of the sacredness of the trust powerful women place in them.
4. Men who say no when they are a no
Banish the lies that teach men to say yes and then don’t do it or do it and resent you later.
Man children whine “How dare you ask me for something? I can’t say no to you!”
If you see yourself as a grown man and still feel defensive about this, you may think you have no choice. If you feel like you can’t say no to women, this is your deep Madonna/whore conditioning to untangle. We will say more about this in future posts.
You don't have to give up your sovereignty to be in a relationship. Please, please do not.
Grown men know themselves. They feel the gut and heart resonance of a hell yes and they act on it. They trust that saying no makes space for their holy hell yes.
Men say yes when they mean yes and no when they mean no. They let themselves change their minds if necessary and inform the other person as soon as possible to minimize hurt and confusion.
5. Men who are grateful to hear a no and encourage women to say no especially when women are afraid to disappoint them
Banish the lies that teach men to rape women and not even realize it.
Boymen, I’m putting you on notice: The first words out of your mouth when any woman says no will be “thank you for taking care of yourself.” I cannot and will not hear a word of you arguing women out of their boundaries.
Many of the rapes I hear about are of this type: She was initially into him. She went back to his or vice versa. The vibe got weird. She woke up some time later and realized how fucked up what went down was.
She gives him the chance to make it right but he gets all defensive and denies it because he genuinely does not know he violated her consent and does not know how to listen. This would require them to master many of the points on this list and welp… that’s still highly uncommon.
Grown men understand that women are conditioned to say yes even to things they do not want to do. Grown men pick up on non-verbal cues. Men slow down or stop when they notice that a woman’s nervous system is slipping out of regulation.
6. Men who hold space for women when we’re _rightfully_ angry at them
Banish the lies that teach men to get angry at women, usually about petty bullshit, when they themselves can’t look a woman in the eye when she calls him on his actual bullshit.
Do you collapse when a woman is angry at you for a real good reason? Your soul knows you need to hear the truth, but do you allow the fears of the ego to justify letting you run a country mile in the opposite direction?
Grown men listen to hard things without defending themselves. Grown men are aware of their rage and resist the temptation to project that back at the person who was hurt.
Grown men know that sometimes it takes women days, weeks, or decades to get to a place of self-empowerment where they are strong enough (finally) to tell you that something you did pissed them off. Grown men listen to find out what value of yours they violated so that they can do differently in the future.
7. Men who come to account and listen when they intentionally or unintentionally do something that causes harm
Banish the lies that teach fathers violently abuse boys to “teach them how to be men.” Banish the shame-driven control culture that fuels its machinations by extracting the life force from boymen and brainwashes them into being terrified of a fair and just accountability process.
There is no trust without a repair process to rectify after harm has been done. This is what I mean by “accountability” or “apology” and it has nothing to do with groveling. This is asking the other person to tell you why this was so painful.
Women have had enough horrible experiences when they asked someone to apologize for unacceptable behavior that we fucking stopped asking for them. (I be betting marginalized identities and intersectionalities have had it far worse than white women.)
If a woman asks you to apologize and repair, it is a huge vote of trust! That shows we even think you’re worthy of the trouble. It is a huge compliment.
Note: Are some people weaponizing accountability by making it into cancel culture? That’s a 1000% yerrrrp and yes, it’s horrible. It happening because men who can come to account are rare as hen’s teeth. It’s even rarer to find men in positions of significant power who have the skills and maturity to come to account.
If you’re a white man who doesn’t believe me, ask someone who isn’t a white man if what I’m saying is true. If what I’m talking about is entirely out of your experience, you can end that blind spot for yourself today.
8. Men who can see the sacred essence of beauty which women will possess on their deathbed more than any other day that came before
Banish the lies that teach men to be obsessively attracted to 25-year-olds to stroke their egos as a distraction from their terror of death.
“In practice, research conducted by Christian Rudder, co-founder of OKCupid, a dating website, suggests that when it comes to age gaps, men and women have slightly different ideas. While female users look for men roughly the same age as them (or perhaps a year or two older) men prefer women in their early twenties, regardless of their own age. While women prefer a small and constant age gap, men are so hooked on the idea of a nubile young partner that they prefer a larger age gap the older they get.”
Before the man children attack me… Yes, most women know that #notallmen want this. Yet, the statistics are the statistics. They confirm what women also know, which is that most men in the dating pool do want nubile young partners aka damsels. A 25-year-old is not capable of being as powerful OR authentically sexy as a grown woman their own age.
You have to realize that if you’re out on a date with a powerful, sexy woman – the forefront of her mind is trying to figure out if you’re one of these creeps.
You may not believe me, but many if not most men harbor this creepy energy. If you are a man, you may not be aware of this in others because the side of themselves man children show to other men bears little resemblance to the side that women see.
You will have to display with your actions to women that you are not a creep. We have no reason to trust 100% that you are one of the “good guys” until you show us consistently that you are and not just when it is convenient for you.
9. Men who do not stick their dick in crazy
Banish the lies that teach men to sport fuck a string of women, leaving a trail of crazy in their wake.
These man children men act like women are crazy for not wanting to be used for sex. Man children wonder “what can I do to have an endless supply of pussy but not have women catch feels for me?” It’s like they’re confused that many women get upset after man children discard them.
Man children want sex but do not want to care for a woman. Maybe they delude themselves that they care about women in some generic way. They think they love women, but what they love is No-Strings-Attached (NSA) pussy. They also love having disempowered, desperate, traumatized damsels fawn over them. They love best the ego validation that having sex gives them.
What exactly is it the ego thinks it’s got when it tells you that “you still got it”?
There’s a massive difference between caring about and caring for someone. Women have a right to ask to be cared for. That does not make women needy. Man children want to be cared for but they do not wish to care for in return.
Man children want to get their ego rubbed and sucked and not pay a Euro, peso, or penny to a sex worker, which is what I really wish they would do rather than using a string of traumatized damsels for sex.
Some of these man children even bristle at having to pay for dinner date. You have to see their point: when you’re dating this many women the dinners add up right quick. These men are stingy in every sense of the word.
No woman can compare to the fantasy hottie they quite incorrectly think they are worthy of.
In huge contrast to the boymen, grown men attract the attention of ladies. How could they not since they stand WELL above the field? Grown men do not cram hotties into their mouths like buttered popcorn from a tub. They especially do not have sex with desperate damsels in dire need of rescue no matter how hot the sex is.
You may think there are only traumatized damsels available. This is not true. I have dozens if not hundreds of amazing grown women in my life who are dripping to find grown men.
Grown monogamous men do wait until they find a woman they have a rare spark with. They trust she’s worth the wait. They thank their lucky stars and cherish her once they find her. They tune their discernment because after all, when you commit to only one woman, it matters a hell of a lot who that woman is.
Grown Ethically Non-Monogamous (ENM) men also exercise patience. Arguably they need even more discernment about who the rare sparks are. Because… ain’t nobody got time for all the drama that invariably ensues when you don’t.
10. Grown men who don’t let the other man children get away with their BS
Banish the lies altogether.
Grown men limit the damage that man children can cause to others to the extent of whatever authority has been given to them. More authority and influence means more responsibility. For example, if you are an employer, you have not only the authority but the responsibility to create a just and equitable workplace.
Grown men lead others into their manhood. They model appropriate behavior, especially in the hardest situations. If you are a father of sons, you not only have the authority but the responsibility to teach them to do better and to do good.
I have made it my mission in this lifetime to teach as many men as possible to banish the lies and finally step into their true and just power. I have yet to see a man grow up who wasn’t amazingly grateful for the transition. I haven’t met one yet who wanted to go back into the trance.
You may feel like what I’ve outlined here is too much to ask. Certainly, it is too much to embark on alone. Click if you want to know more about the mystery school for men aka…
Want a taste? Come meet me tomorrow, April 20th for an experience of how we get started doing this transformation.
Cheers from Oaxaca,
Cris and Team Dragon