😭 What To Do About a 💜 Love Schlurrrrmppppppp
Getting the juiciest juice back into your love life
Guys, if your lover/girlfriend/wife won’t touch you or if your sex life has gone sideways, this is ESPECIALLY for you, but everyone who wants to be loved in a powerful way is in for a treat.
First, I’ll share a personal thing so you know how deep the seeds of mistrust are between men and women that cause this separation. We have to know what we’re up against if we’re going to build a relationship worth sticking around for a lifetime.
I was born of a line of women who largely just had to accept it when men treated them like doormats or face a life of poverty. My grandfather’s rampant infidelity was so bad that the military sent him home from England. My best guess: he banged some officer’s wife. You had to mess way the wayyyyyyy up in the 1960s to get disciplined by the Army for such a common dalliance.
To add injury to insult, my grandfather DISOWNED my mother and aunt and by extension, me, when my granny divorced him. My granny divorced my grandfather in a decade when nearly no one got a divorce. Go, granny!!
My grandfather was so butt hurt at this offense that he went so far as to tell his brother he wouldn’t speak to him anymore unless my uncle disowned us too. Fortunately, Uncle Joe was an honorable man who don’t take such bull hockey.
She did indeed have to endure the poverty of being a single mother of two and then a single grandmother of me, btw. I did not have emotional or financial support from either of my grandfathers for that matter.
I say all this to say to the men in the audience – please remember that women have been through some S-H-I-T. We have good reasons not to immediately trust you until you’ve demonstrated yourself.
We have been fed a pack of lies by our culture about how little we deserve. We have accepted all kinds of un-gentlemanly treatment. We have allowed our most sacred, sweet, and tender desire to care for others to pervert us into dishcloths for others’ needs.
No more.
No more.
No more.
A powerful woman will require you to demonstrate your trustworthiness by consistently showing up to care for her, not just abstractly care about her in some warm fuzzy sort of way that rarely or never translates into action.
Love is a verb,
not just an energy or emotion.Love without action means
you’re taking without giving.“Love” that doesn’t care FOR the other
isn’t love at all,it’s a counterfeit currency,
a fraudulent promise.
I had to dig myself out of this pit of misery in my mother’s lineage. I had to stop being in partnership with people who neglect and abandon me when I dare to ask for something I need or want. I had to decide for myself that I wouldn’t accept breadcrumbs anymore.
I decided my life and partnerships would be JUICY.
I decided I was worthy of being cherished and adored because all of us are worthy of this. Everyone on the planet deserves rich, fulfilling love – full stop.
Juice requires some squeeze.
My love schlurmps happened when I didn’t ask for what I needed or wanted. Getting your partnership out of a schlurmp will require you to get a bit uncomfortable. You’ll have to feel some feels that you don’t like feeling for a little while.
But… it WILL be worth it.
Juice comes from desire and desire comes from knowing what you love and having the bravery to ask for it. This is true for all humans regardless of gender, but I wanna speak on women’s side of things for a moment.
Women in particular are conditioned by most cultures around the world to wish men would be psychic and guess what they want. Sorry ladies, this usually doesn’t work. Believe me, I wish it did. It would save me from having to get uncomfortable and make brave asks.
If your partner was indeed psychic, welp you’d know it by now.
Regardless of your gender or the situation you’re in, the exercise coming up at the end can work for you. You might have a lover now or you might’ve been divorced a time or three and you’re now in a solo period. There’s no shame. You probably still want a love that’s worth sticking around a lifetime for. Good! You’ll have to deal with what I call resentment rot in a better way to avoid divorce #4.
I haven’t met anyone who’s made it past the 18-month honeymoon phase who didn’t experience some level of resentment rot eventually. When you’re brand new in a relationship there’s enough excitement that you can live in la-la land, but eventually, you have to master asking and receiving.
Once resentment rot settles in and gets all moldy, it’s hard to express your love because you’re not feeling it. There’s no spark in this dank, humid mess. So let’s not let it get that bad, and if it is already that bad then…
Here’s what to do:
Take out a page in your journal and write “Asking Practice” in big letters at the top.
Fill the entire page with things you could ask of your partner. If you don’t have a partner now, you can write a list of what you’d ask your ideal future mate or what you’d ask a current close friend. Make the list wild, sexy, simple, sweet, tender, honest, and brave.
Remember that this isn’t a to-do list. You’re not going to be required to ask these things of your partner, so let yourself run wild coming up with ideas to fill the entire page. Find out what the little kid inside you would ask, what your inner teenager would ask, what your pussy or cock would ask, and/or what your elder wise self would ask.
Then sit and look at the list for a few minutes. See what emotions or body sensations come through. If you played full out you’ll be feeling some feels. It’s all perfect, whatever shows up. You’re strong enough to feel it. Breathe and remind yourself you’re totally safe.
If it’s possible, ask your partner to do this same exercise too.
Talk about it after you’ve both completed it. You don’t have to read your list to each other if that feels too vulnerable. Even just talking about what it was like to do the exercise will start the flow of juicy connection again.
(Credit to my teacher, Kasia Urbaniak, and her book Unbound for this exercise.)
Is there more to it than this? Well, yes of course. You’re eventually going to have to summon the courage to actually ask. As we say in Mexico, poco a poco or little by little. Stay tuned for more in future missives.
I have to risk rejection and disappointment, too yah know?
If you haven’t noticed, I’ve been practicing asking for things. It’s hard. I have to risk getting ghosted.
There is no relationship without asking and offering, giving and receiving. These generate the sparks of attraction, appreciation, and trust that make for a juicy partnership.
I’d like to come into a deeper relationship with those of you who resonate with this mission and message. There is no depth of relationship without an exchange. I wish I could say I have the same connection with my free readers as my clients, but it simply isn’t the case.
Payments are portals.
When you invest in someone with your time or money, you create a bond. You immediately become literally invested when you support an artist financially. You feel yourself as a part of them and their work on a different level. You will read my words differently. You will feel connected to me differently.
I daresay you’ll even feel connected to yourself differently. If charitable giving is unfamiliar to you, you will start to feel yourself as a steward of your wealth perhaps for the first time. This will be true whether you give $5 or $5000, so please offer whatever is in your ability to give.
Yes, $5 really does matter.
From $5-$249 there will be fun for this level which is yet to be determined, but I trust the magic will appear when the supporters appear. There will be certain opportunities later in the year that will only be offered to the men who support this work from the start.
At $250 you’ll be in the official Benefactors designation which includes a private Signal chat and will have other bonuses we’re working on now. You’re not required to participate in any of these, but they’re there if you want.
If you’re interested in contributing as a silent partner at $10,000 or up, please get in touch. We have one amazing man who’s kind of a big deal in crypto who’s stepped up already. There’s space for one or perhaps two more investors at this level or above. Reply to this email and we’ll set up a call to discuss deets.
I’m now pulling together the team and resources to do so on a grander scale to bring the work of femdom priestesses into visibility in 2023. If you wish to become a supporter of the Mystery School for Excellent Gentlemen to help it birth in a big way, please drop some digits so we can get this party started right.
Besos from Oaxaca,
Cris and Team Dragon
P.S. Don’t overthink it, guys. Love you.